Child Therapy
Child Therapy: Things to Consider
The decision to bring a child into therapy is a major one. Although child therapy may produce benefits, it also carries risk. The following describes the most common risks and problematic assumptions that I have observed in clinical practice.
1) The child may be exhibiting symptoms that are a product of family functioning. Parents will identify the child as being the problem and will look to therapy as a means to “fix” their child. The child then internalizes the message that they are flawed and need to be “fixed.” This may lead to esteem problems. Furthermore, the issues rarely resolve themselves because the real source of the problem – family functioning - is not properly addressed.
2) The point at which parents will bring their child into therapy is usually one of intense frustration. They feel that they cannot cope with their child’s problems anymore. By bringing their child to a therapist, they may be sending their child a very troubling message: “You are going to have to talk to someone else, because we can’t handle you anymore.” The child may feel emotionally abandoned.
3) Parents are cautioned against framing therapy as a form of punishment. In my clinical practice, parents have reported telling their children, “If you don’t smarten up I am going to take you to a psychologist.” A child coerced into therapy is a likely to have, a) a non-meaningful experience, or, b) a negative experience, where they feel that parents and helpers are aligning against them. In both of these instances, the therapeutic process is unlikely to be successful.
4) Parents may assume that a psychologist or counselor will provide their child with strategies to resolve emotional and behavioral issues. This assumption may lead some parents to take a less active role. The truth is that the therapist may be able to introduce the strategies, but will be up to the parents to reinforce them on a consistent basis. It is parental reinforcement that ultimately helps a child. Research has demonstrated that parent training is an effective method of helping children with emotional and behavioral problems. [1] Parents can learn many of the skills counselors use and practice them with their own children.
5) Parents often assume that children will see the therapist as a confidante. They believe that the child will share difficult feelings with the therapist and that this will improve things at home. This rarely works because children will always prefer to confide in their parents, with whom they have a real emotional connection. There is no substitute for healthy sharing between parents and children. Parents can learn the skills for healthy sharing with children, without the child attending at therapy.
What can parents do if they are struggling with their child?
1) Parents may seek all of the help and advice that they wish. I would encourage parents to consult with professionals about how to best parent the child that they have.
2) If parents wish to seek professional help, they should be discreet about it. A child does not necessarily need to know that Mom and/or Dad are seeking advice about parenting. It may cause children to worry about themselves, or about Mom and Dad.
3) There are certain situations where child therapy is necessary and meaningful. For children who have experienced trauma or abuse, therapy is often important. This is also true for children who are experiencing intense symptoms of depression or anxiety (e.g., suicidal ideation or severe panic attacks). If your child is experiencing any kind of developmental delay (i.e., speech or cognitive delay), consult with a professional right away, as early intervention in key in such circumstances. The first step should be a consultation with a qualified professional to receive feedback. Parents should get information on child development, both normative and non-normative, before deciding to bring their child into therapy.
4) If you choose therapy for your child, I would strongly recommend framing it as a family process. Let your child know that the whole family is trying to do better. You need to follow through by being receptive to the parenting strategies offered by the counselor.
* The above is informational in nature. For help and advice about the specific issues facing you and your family, please consult a qualified health professional.
I really appreciated what you had to say about the importance of the family being involved in working together to improve communication/family functioning when a child may be in need of intervention from a therapist, or when the parent(s) feels unable to manage the child’s needs/behavior.
Nancy B - July 6th, 2007 at 12:55 amIt is absolutely true that the parent is really the child’s first and best therapist in most cases, and that in the context of family therapy and parent counseling, many childhood problems can be resolved.
I find that too many therapists are still too quick to take on children in individual therapy, and they spend too little time working with the parents, which is a shame.
In my work, since I specialize in work with young children and families, I rarely take on a child for individual therapy as the major modality. I frequently will combine family, parent, and individual sessions in order to address the specific problems the child/family are struggling with.