Stephanie Foster

Discipline with your Child: The Right Way to Use Time-Outs

The time-out is a very popular method for parents with young children. They traditionally involve sitting the child in a chair or standing them in the corner. Time-outs provide time away from the problem behavior – this is true for both parents and children. Time-outs not only set limits on a child’s behavior, but they give the parent a chance to cool down so they can avoid yelling, shouting, corporal punishment and other unproductive parenting practices. The following tips will help you to use time-outs with your children in an effective way.

• A time-out should be used for teaching, not punishing – There is a big difference between punishment and discipline, especially in the eyes of a child. Punishment often involves shaming a child and isolating them to the extreme. Discipline is about teaching a child that their behavior can be changed, while still conveying respect.

Avoid: “If you don’t stop being a bad kid, I am going to lock you in the laundry room all alone.”

Try: “I understand you want to play, but you know it is time for dinner. If you won’t come to the table, then you will have to go to the time-out place.”

• The time-out place should not be somewhere where a child is inappropriately isolated, like a laundry room with the door closed. In general, you should be able to see your child, even if they are not facing you. Good choices are sitting on the stairs or sitting in the corner. Bedrooms and playrooms are also not recommended; children often have fun things in there that can be reinforcements rather than discipline.

• Time-outs should not last for very long. If they do, they begin to resemble isolation or banishment. A common rule of thumb is one minute for every year of the child’s age. [However, time-outs are typically not effective for very young children]. You can use a buzzer or timer to signal when the time-out is over.

• Explain Time Outs to Children – This is important and often fails to happen. Children need to know what the time out is for and for how long it will last. For example, you might say: “I told you that if you did not come to the table, you would have to go the time-out. Mary, go to your time out place and sit quietly for 3 minutes. I will tell you when the time is up.”

• ….And if your child won’t sit quietly or acts up in time out – You can let them know that they will have additional minutes in time-out for every instance. For example: “Mary, each time you argue with me adds one extra minute to the time-out.” However, this strategy does not work for every child. If a child continually leaves the time-out, it may be an indication that he/she is trying to communicate with the parent. The child may need to talk more than they need a time out. The talk may help them to calm down, which is the goal here.

• Finally, and perhaps most importantly, have a closing discussion with your child once the time-out has been completed. This can be called a discipline debriefing. This is an opportunity for you to discuss what happened and talk about how your child can modify their behavior for next time. This is important for establishing a clean slate and giving the child a chance to try again.